tired.

I finally got my residency in Florence on Saturday morning. Woke up at 4:30am and took the first bus from Scandicci to the center. After almost two years, I finally have residency in the world. Friday afternoon I finally went to the doctor because my nose hasn't been getting any better and have learned that it is most likely broken and will have to see a specialist. My list of 'to do's just keeps getting longer. I have too much on my mind to have been enjoying my self properly. Natalie and I took a two hour long walk on Sunday with the Pig, in San Niccolò - one of the most peaceful places in Flo. And yet I woke up this morning wanting to hide from the world alone in my room full of drying laundry and with the sounds of the market coming alive in the world outside. I am haunted by this tingling sensation I feel everyday for change, to move, to leave, to never look back. As I finally for once in my life have my own place, with my own things, have planted my roots - I feel the need to start again from scratch. I feel perfectly content. But I cannot stand still. I have decided to go home to Montreal for my two week long holidy in August. And as much as I am excited to return, I dread to see how things have changed in my absence. I do not want to be disgusted by a life I used to love and a place I used to call home, because of its polar opposite-ness to my current home. And because of its difference, I know I will remain hurt and betrayed by it. I have realized that as much as I have uprooted myself, by myself, and for myself, I will never feel at home anywhere in the world. I will always be an 'outsider' here in beautiful Florence, and my hometown will never be capable of providing me the comfort it once did. I miss a home that no longer exists.